Ups and Downs
Nursing Small Fry hasn’t been as easy as it was with his brothers. I didn’t gain any weight when I was pregnant (none!), and my doctor said that when women don’t gain, it can take longer for their milk to come in. That was the case for me. We had to supplement with formula for the first two months, which was hard for me. I felt like I wasn’t providing properly for him. I know that’s ridiculous because formula is a perfectly acceptable form of infant nutrition. But it wasn’t acceptable to me. Feeding him formula felt like giving up on some level.
I write about that today because he and I experienced something similar yesterday. He was sick.
But not really.
He’s 10 1/2 months now, and still nursing several times a day. I love spending that time with him, especially at naptime or at the end of the day when his eyes are droopy and he’s still. Yesterday, he would throw up violently every time he nursed. He was able to keep solids down and was happy as a clam all day. But there was that pesky vomiting that lasted about 20 hours.
I know in my head that it wasn’t my fault; he probably just had a tummy bug. But having him be unable to stomach the milk felt like a throwback to his early weeks when “I couldn’t provide fully” for him.
Fortunately, he was fine this morning and didn’t lose his morning “meal.” Mama feels better that way too.